I stopped taking antidepressants – I should have known better

The tragic death by suicide of financier and diplomat Thomas Kingston last February may have gone largely unnoticed had it not been for the fact that he was married to Lady Gabriella Windsor.

Clearly an exceptional man, with the cliched “everything to live for”, his inquest recorded that he had taken his own life; coroner Katy Skerrett also said that he was not showing signs of suicidal intent, and that he was “suffering adverse effects of medication he had recently been prescribed.”

These medications were the commonly prescribed SSRIs – selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors – mainly given for relieving depression, but also other mental health problems. They are effective but, as with any medication, there are risks, about which Thomas’s parents Jill and Martin Kingston spoke movingly on Radio 4’s Today programme.

Having lost their son, they now want to prevent future deaths by ensuring that doctors and patients’ families are alert to the possible side effects of taking SSRIs, particularly when coming off the medication.

Thomas had been prescribed sertraline, then citalopram after he said that the initial drug wasn’t working; at the time of his death, he was not taking any SSRI medication.

The Kingston family’s campaign is hugely important, and will resonate with anyone who has taken an antidepressant.

These medications can be a roller-coaster ride, and although I am a long-term user, I’ve not always stayed on the straight and narrow with them. The first SSRI I was prescribed was Seroxat, a brand name of paroxetine, then Britain’s bestselling antidepressant. It worked brilliantly for me, until in 2006, its manufacturer re-analysed its clinical trials and discovered that significantly more adults given the drug rather than a placebo became suicidal. So that was the end of Seroxat for me.

I was then prescribed Prozac, which worked well, until it didn’t. I was then given Mirtazapine (not an SSRI) and the effect was astounding – astoundingly bad. I’m well aware that you have to give antidepressants time to work, and that you may feel a bit strange, but Mirtazapine was, for me, a dreadful experience.

Wanting to eat constantly was bad enough, but the irrational anger I experienced was frightening. Arguing with strangers, picking fights with friends and feeling absolutely out of my head was the worst experience I have ever had with antidepressants. I came off those and went back onto Prozac.

That was several years ago, and you’d thought I’d have learnt my lesson about being careful with prescription drugs, but no. I ran out of Prozac over Christmas and didn’t take any for a week or two, and the results, while not as horrific as my Mirtazapine experience, was similar. Constantly feeling on edge and having angry outbursts for days on end – I should have known better. I haven’t missed a day since.

I totally support the Kingstons’ campaign to make patients better informed of the possible risks of antidepressants, particularly when starting or coming off the drugs; I also think that GPs should keep a weather eye on those of us who have been taking the medication long-term – and that we patients too should be less blasé about what the medication does for us.

I am a staunch supporter of medication for mental health issues, ideally in combination with talking therapy. I also know that when your mind is in a mess, it can be hard to be rational about thinking about changing your medication.

But a warning from your prescribing doctor about possible worst-case scenarios, as the Kingstons are suggesting, might just prepare patients for the early signs of trouble and do something before it’s too late.

If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans, in confidence, on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email jo@samaritans.org, or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch.

If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to access online chat from the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you